la vida lisa

how meta is this?

2009-09-26T02:05:00.002-05:00

Blogging about blogging?

I'm twittering regularly and since the tweets are tied to my Facebook status, it looks like I update my FB status five times a day. People are probably thinking I'm online for endless hours but that's not true. I get on in the morning and check three sites.

Then I get the kids up, dressed and ready for school. I don't get a good long sit down at the computer until the afternoon or until after the kids are in bed. I want to blog more but honestly, it's sort of difficult narrowing down topics.

Things start to run together and I don't want an endless stream of posts that sound like diary entries. It's hard to stay focused.

I'm going to work on it, though because I need the writing practice.

Fan Gurl

2009-05-05T10:40:00.001-05:00

I'm developing a distasteful fan gurlie squeee over Twilight. I'm working my way through shame and into acceptance.

But I need to get my mind off the sparkly vampire so I can work on my next newspaper column.

You're not the boss of me

2009-05-02T14:10:00.002-05:00

My three year old has developed an especially mature sense of entitlement. Her chief joy in life seems to be telling me what to do.

I'm sure this is age appropriate behavior and a way of developing her independence but it's a giant pain the ass. Every day at least a half dozen tasks become a pissing contest between the two of us.

It's entirely different than with Owen. Even with his communication issues, once he understood what was expected of him or the problem, he usually relented. Olivia understands more but she just refuses to accept any sort of compromise.

It's her way or nothing. I spoke about this to my mother-in-law who got a good laugh. She says Liv gets it from her and that it doesn't get any easier.

it's been a while...

2009-04-30T22:50:00.002-05:00

We've moved to Wisconsin. It was a big move but it turned out well.

we need equality. kinda now.

2006-06-30T15:20:00.000-05:00

So Joss is writing the script and directing a film vesion of Wonder Woman. That makes me squeeee.

On YouTube.Com, you can see a tribute to Joss Whedon's Mother and why he writes strong female characters. And why I'm a stark raving fan gurl.

For anyone not wanting to see the video, I've stolen the transcript from someone with more time on their hands than I have.

On the Road to Equality
Honoring Men On the Front Lines
May 15, 2006

MERYL STREEP: Mothers are often the vanguard of cultural institutions and transformation. And tonight, as well as paying tribute to Joss Whedon and the wonderful female characters that he's created, we'd like to pay special tribute to his mother, the late Lee Sterns.

Camera cuts to a black and white still. The caption reads:

Lee Stearns
1936-1992

MERYL STREEP continues: Uh, it's nice when children credit their mothers for their success, and I've heard a lot about Lee, whose radical ideas about women's strength, and independence, and passion, and empathy inspired Joss to create not only Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but many other strong women characters in Firefly, in Serenity and his other work.

Lee Stearns also inspired the creation of this organization, Equality Now, which was co-founded by Jessica Neuwirth, one of her—one of Lee's favorite High School students. She would have been very proud of you Jessica, and Joss, for all you've done and continue to do, and uh, her spirit is here with us, tonight.

Joss also has an extremely energetic and ubiquitous fan base, that's organized fundraisers across the country for Equality Now, his superhero's favorite charity. So, it's my great—great pleasure to introduce our special honoree, Joss Whedon, the wonderful man who's about to bring us Wonder Woman. We commend him for his outstanding contribution to equality in film and television.

Ladies and gentlemen: Mr. Joss Whedon.

[Applause from audience; Streep greets Joss with a kiss]

JOSS WHEDON: Thank you, I-I didn't know um when I came here tonight, that that was going to happen. Um...no I knew I'd be here—the part about my mother—and I just want to thank Meryl Streep and everybody for-for speaking so eloquently about her.

I'm surrounded, tonight, by people of extraordinary courage. And I know a thing or two about courage myself, because I read a book with some courage in it, one time, and...uh...sounds really like a lotta work, um so I'll just keep writing. Um. I write. Uh, the most courageous thing I've ever done is something called a press junket, um, uh, which is actually pretty courageous, believe me, because they ask you the same questions over and over and over. And over and over and over.

Um...I've done as many as 48 in a day—these interviews, and they really—they don't come up with the fresh stuff. So, there is one question that I've been asked almost every time I've been interviewed, so I thought tonight, briefly, I would share with you one question, and a few of my responses, because when you're asked something 500 times, you really start to think about the answer.

So now I will become a reporter. It's going to be amazing—the transformation.

[Italics indicate when Joss is speaking as the imaginary reporter]

So, Joss, I—a reporter—would like to know, why do you always write these strong women characters?

I think it's because of my mother. She really was an extraordinary, inspirational, tough, cool, sexy, funny woman. And that's the kind of woman I've always surrounded myself with—it's my friends—particularly my wife, who is not only smarter and stronger than I am, but occasionally—actually—taller too. But only sometimes—taller. And, uh, I think it all goes back to my mother.

So, why do you write these strong women characters?

[Laughter from audience]

Because of my father—

[Laughter from audience]

My father and my step-father had a lot do with it, because they prized wit and resolve in the women they were with—above all things, and they were among the rare men who understood that recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own. When I created Buffy, I wanted to create a female icon but I also wanted to be very careful to surround her with men who not only had no problem with the idea of a female leader, but were in fact, engaged and even attracted to the idea. That came from my father and step-father, the men who created this man, who created those men, if you can follow that...

So, why do you create these strong...

[Joss-as-reporter adopts a not-quite-French accent]

how you say—the women...

[aside] I'm in Europe, now, so it's a...it's a very—it's international—I don't know where, though...

[reverts to accent that's now more not-quite-Spanish]

...the strong women characters?

Well, because these stories give people strength, and I've heard it from a number of people, and I've felt it myself. And it's not just women; it's men. And I think there is something particular about a female protagonist that allows a man to identify with her— that opens up something that he might—an aspect of himself that he might be unable to express—hopes and desires that he might be uncomfortable expressing through a male identification figure, so it really crosses across both—and I think it really helps people, you know, in that way.

So, why do you create these strong women characters?

[Laughter from audience]

'Cause they're hot.

[Laughter from audience]

But...these strong women character—

WHY are you even ASKING me THIS?

[aside] This is like interview number 50 in a row.

Wh—How is it possible that this is even a question? Honestly? Seriously? Why are you ask—why did you write that down? Why do you—wha— why aren't you asking a hundred other guys why they don't write strong women characters?

[Applause from audience]

I believe that what I'm doing should not be remarked upon, let alone honored, and there are other people doing it. But seriously, this question is ridiculous. And you've just got to stop.

[Laughter from audience]

So...

[Over continuing laughter]

...Why do you write these strong women characters?

Because—equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who is confronted with it.

We need equality. Kinda now.

[Applause from audience]

So, why do you write these strong female characters?

Because you're still asking me that question.

[Over the applause from audience]

Thank you very much for including me tonight. Thank you all.

icing or frosting?

2006-06-23T17:52:00.000-05:00

Whichever. I opened up a can today. It was going to go bad. I couldn't just toss it? Right?

Right?

*sigh*

an open letter to Britney Spears

2006-06-16T16:28:00.000-05:00

Dearest Britney,

I'm so sorry about your troubles with the media. But listen, Honey. You didn't get filthy rich just by singing and shaking your ass. You're a celebrity. And that's a little different than just a singer. People eat that shit up. They love watching you and reading about you. You get paid a lot of money because of it.

I'm sorry if it cuts into your "me" time or that frequently, you and your husband look like stupid hicks. But if you want people to stop cutting on you--quit giving them reasons to do it.

You sound like an utter moron. And do yourself a BIG favor. Learn to give a fucking interview for fuck's sake. Try, just once to complete a sentence without the words, "like" or "you know". You're going to have to teach your child to speak English someday.

thank you, willie

2006-05-20T09:56:00.000-05:00

Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other.

Puerto Rico, I'm sorry I'm such an ass.

2006-05-20T09:34:00.000-05:00

I was under the completely mistaken view that because Puerto Rico is an extension of the US that it would somehow seem...well...more USian. It's more typically Caribbean with extremes of haves and have nots. And a lot of the balconies look like wrought iron bird cages.

I'm ashamed at my complete and utter ignorance. I now have a burning desire to learn to speak Spanish.

I'm really, really glad we didn't just stay at the resort that hosted Christopher's conference. We flew in early and spent two nights at a cheap hotel in San Juan (close to the beach). That gave us a much more realistic view of the city and the island, I think.

I'm also glad I found a chupacabra t-shirt for The Cross Chihuahua.

are they made from real Girl Scouts?

2006-03-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, it's that time of year. Thin mints and Do-si-dos!!!!

I can eat them until I'm quite literally sick.

underworld evolution

2006-01-31T06:08:00.000-05:00

Having seen a video clip of Kate Beckinsale and Scott Speedman's sex seen in Underworld Evolution, I can only say, "MEEP."

Also, Ken Wiseman must really like watching his wife have sex. But hey, who doesn't?

it slips away too fast

2006-01-24T14:53:00.000-05:00

Every morning when I go in to get Owen out of his crib, he smiles and raises his arms. I then pick him up, hug him and sit for a few minutes, rocking him in the chair by the window.

He's a toddler now, his body is growing long. But when his head is on my shoulder and his hands are around my neck he still feels like my baby.

He'll shift sometimes, to sit snuggled at my side while we rock and he'll smile at me and giggle if I tickle him and just say things like, "Good morning" and "Would you like some breakfast?"

The time is flying. In a few weeks, we'll have an infant to take care of and he's going to have to share his mom and dad and limited amount of attention we have to give. But I hope he realizes that our love has no limits. My heart swells every time I see him and every time I feel him.

There were times, pre-parenthood, when I used to want to feel like a kid again. Like I was being taken care of, protected and that some rational adult somewhere was going to worry about the bills and the house and cooking dinner. But now, I don't think like that. The feeling of holding your child and being the one to take care of them and protect and love them is greater than that feeling of security I had when I was the child.

There really is nothing quite like it in the world. I have YEARS of this ahead of me but I know someday the kids will be grown and gone and I'll just have the memories of these moments. They're strong enough to last.

my list of movies

2006-01-22T13:57:00.000-05:00

Films that I really really wanted to see in an actual theatre setting include:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Syriana
Brokeback Mountain
Good Night and Good Luck
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
Pride & Prejudice
Underworld: Evolution
Walk the Line

Walk the Line is the only one I've managed to see. And my time for watching movies in a theatre is fast disappearing.

I don't even know if P&P is still showing in theatres around here. *sigh* I think I'm going to take one night this week and see Underworld. Yes, it's probaby the crappiest--and the worst choice of all of these to see but I really want to see Kate Beckinsale in leather and latex. I'd brave even the cheesiest crap for that.

And I should go see Brokeback Mountain because it's probably the best of these choices. The rest can wait for Netflix, I guess.

pink

2006-01-20T23:49:00.000-05:00

I never thought I'd be the mom with the pink baby girl. Seriously--I wanted to NOT instill this social pressure on an infant who didn't really know any better. I swore I'd not buy cutesy, fluffy pink baby clothes for my daughter.

And I haven't.

Only, in accepting the wonderfully generous, donated baby clothes from my girl friends, I've ended up with an entirely pink wardrobe for the new baby. There is A LOT of it. And I mean A LOT. I think the girl will be able to wear a pink sleeper every day for a month and never wear the same one twice.

The stuff is all GORGEOUS, mind you. AND FREE. Did I mention free? I was given these high quality, hardly used (nay--some of them are BRAND NEW WITH TAGS!) baby clothes and I love them. I'm truly in love with the tiny sweaters--the red one with the pink & white heart and the pink one with the fleece bunny on the chest. I'm done for. The flowers and hearts and bunnies have killed me with their cute.

I think I may have to back down on my original assertions that I wouldn't try to gender-program my kid through clothes.

officially huge

2006-01-17T20:20:00.000-05:00

With three weeks left to go I'm officially GINORMOUS.

You know that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when Violet Beauregarde blows up and the Oompa Loompas roll her bloated ass away? That's happening to me. I just lack the Oompa Loompas and the stunning blue color.

r.i.p. toaster

2006-01-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

From day one, this toaster ran hot. I mean it frequently burned toast on the lower settings.

So maybe it was stainless steel and had a cute little beeping alarm that announced when the toast was (over)done. $25 down the drain. Literally, since Christopher had to drown the damn thing when it CAUGHT ON FIRE.

Fuck it. Must buy new toaster.

glow little firefly, glow!

2006-01-08T21:54:00.000-05:00

There was a Firefly marathon on Sci-fi a few days ago. I insisted on tuning in and watching them.

Christopher asked me why, when I have all the episodes on DVD and can watch them commercial free.

I told him that it's fun to watch them on television so I can pretend the show is still on. *sigh*

Yes, I'm that pathetic.

a quiet beginning

2006-01-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

2005 wasn't that bad for a year. The only complaints I have are political but that can all be rectified in 2006.

We quietly slipped from one year to the next while watching a Netflix DVD (Serenity--Christopher hadn't seen it and I wanted to see it again). He enjoyed it very much. So much so that we pulled out the Firefly series DVDs and sat and watched two more episodes.

Christopher's now pointing out lines as "Classic Joss Whedon" and that pleases me. The film didn't do was well as the studio wanted so there won't be a sequel--which means the end of the story and the characters. Sad, that, but Joss has some films in the hopper--namely a Wonder Woman film.

With all this movie work, I'm wondering if he'll ever go back to doing television. I just don't know. He did a lot of great things for the industry and for television writing in general. His stable of writers has scattered to the winds and hopefully is out there trying to make television smarter and funnier for us all.

On other fronts, we are now mini van drivers. Well, we own a minivan that I drive. Christopher says a little piece of him dies every time he gets behind the wheel. With a second child on the way, really, it was time. But it has a 6 disc changer and a DVD system, stow & go seating and power doors. It's really very comfy and drives nicely. I'm pleased as hell to have it so I know I'm no longer cool.

Financially, we're not quite where we want to be but we're still in a decent position. Christopher continues to advance in his career and will hopefully be richly rewarded for all his hard work this Spring.

I'm happy and healthy and in love with my kid (soon to be kids). I'm enjoying my life to its full extent and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that.

my uncle is dying

2005-12-13T00:06:00.000-05:00

I'm sad for my mom. He's a very nice guy and I am very fond of him.

My mom's family is tightly knit. This will be the first sibling they've lost since 1969 when Ernie died in Vietnam. The remaining 11 brothers and sisters are very close to each other and they are all living in the same area. Jack's the second oldest at 66. Mom's just two years younger than he is.

Jack found his colon cancer a while ago and he's been fighting it. But it was found awfully late and it spread EVERYWHERE. The worst is that it's gotten into his lungs and bones and he decided early this year to discontinue with chemo, since it wasn't going to prolong his life that much.

My twin sister went to see him yesterday and he did recognize her but he's down to about 100lbs and they've brought the hospice people in. He'd finally got an I.V. and a catheter and they're going to keep him on the morphine to keep him comfortable.

Hopefully, it will all be over in a few days. I'd hate for him to linger any longer than he has to. He was a tree trimmer most of his life so he really hated losing the ability to go outdoors. When I saw him this past summer, he insisted on walking out to the garden to pick me some of his tomatoes and cucumbers--even though it took a lot out of him to walk that far. He made sure his wife picked out a baby gift for the new baby and gave it to us at Thanksgiving--he said he knew he wasn't going to be around when she's born so he wanted to give it to me now.

i'm horrible at getting by

2005-12-02T20:06:00.000-05:00

I have to admit it. I'm awful at budgeting. I'm shamefully short-sighted and when it comes back to bite me in the ass, I can only worry and fret and stress.

I should be better at this. I should be able to cut corners and give up luxuries--hello! digital cable, anyone? *sigh*

I should suspend the netflix account, cut the cable to the bone, cancel the magazine subscriptions and learn to spend less than $150 a week at the grocery store.

I suck.

exciting saturday night

2005-11-05T22:04:00.000-05:00

Sick and cranky baby is finally in bed.

Christopher's playing Prince of Persia on X-Box.

I'm trolling the internet on what is proving to be an incredibly slow night for all my usual haunts.

But I did find a place where I can order red licorice pipes for Christopher.

cosmic shit convergence

2005-10-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

The shit's converging.

I'm tired. The baby's been sick all week and I'm not coping well. Now it feels like I'm coming down with it. Sore throat and headache added on to the growing discomfort of this pregnancy.

Fuck.

I'd curl up in a ball and cry if it didn't feel like I was getting punched from the inside and my hips wouldn't go numb from lying on my side for more than five minutes.

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

how nice of them to offer...

2005-10-17T20:30:00.000-05:00

I spent the weekend with my sisters and my FiL insisting on carrying Owen for me everywhere we went.

Um, yeah. It's not that I don't appreciate the offers. My FiL is VERY VERY insistent--saying, "Don't pick up the boy! I'll get him!" or "Give him to me, I'll carry him!"

A) I'm pregnant, not paralyzed.

B) Owen is still pretty clingy to me and trying to peel him off me when he's clinging to me like a monkey will only make him cry.

C) As nice as it is to have a little relief, the one trip across the parking lot at Wal-Mart or to Wendy's isn't going to negate the fact that I have to hoist his 30 lb. butt about FOUR HUNDRED TIMES A DAY when nobody else is around.

Thanks, though.

Oh, and if my FiL tells me ONE more time that "Christopher needs to loosen up the straps" on Owen's car seat, he's getting strangled with the belt. Really. He comments EVERY single time he tries to buckle the straps. I say "tries" because he can never figure them out and always gets them twisted around. Which may lead to them becoming tighter than I normally have them.

A) Christopher doesn't know how to adjust the straps. I do.

B) Owen's not crying or complaining, so it's not too tight.

C) It's SUPPOSED to be tight to prevent him from getting hurt in case of an accident.

I think MiL is wise to this, though, because this past weekend when FiL said it, she said, "Tom, I think they're supposed to be tight."

Um, yeah.

screening serenity

2005-09-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I knew it was coming. I'd read the spoilers. I submitted to the lure of the blogging bribe and took the chance to see the film early and for free.

I feel hollow inside. I laughed, I cried and yet I can't help but think that Firefly will never be as complete and perfect for me ever again.

For non-fans, I think the film was as good as could be. It's probably a lot wordier than most sci-fi action adventure films but that didn't appear to put off any of the people in the theatre with me tonight. There was a great deal of laughter. And the pace of the action is pitch perfect. I shredded a popcorn bag during all the chase scenes.

And for this fan...well, this bitter, bitter fan...it's just like the moment I discovered that Santa doesn't exist but that I was still going to get presents. A little of the magic has worn away but it doesn't diminish the feeling I have for the holiday.

This is as good a film as Joss could put out there. It was his words, his story--and there's allegory and subtext enough to keep fans busy parsing for years (and hopefully there will be a sequel). Even on his teeny budget, with a relatively unknown cast he's got the story and pictures up there to capture us all with his charm and wit.

There were things I didn't like about the movie. I'm white-fonting the spoilers, just in case anyone reads this *The Mr. Universe character...and of course the death of WASH (*sob*). Whereas Book's death served a purpose--to drive home the point that Mal had to take a stand--Wash's was more for shock effect. More proof to his fans that no character is safe--no matter how beloved.* End spoilery white font

The things I liked were pretty obvious. The full cast fitting so nicely into well-worn characters. The words--all of Joss' pretty, pretty words. And the action--chase scenes were well timed. I loved to hear the people laughing all around me at just the exact right moments. And Summer Glau. Oh, how I love Summer Glau. River was always more of an annoyance to me in the series but she is all Grace in the movie. And she made a heck of a lot more sense.

*sigh* I just hate the fact that it's time to grow up. To leave behind something that was beautiful and funny that came into my life. But these kinds of pleasures are fleeting.

And yeah, I'm still bitter as shit that all we get is an hour and forty minutes of movie rather than 22 hours of a series.

joss gets interviewed by TIME magazine!

2005-09-26T20:53:00.000-05:00

Except, you know...could they have at least SPELLED HIS NAME CORRECTLY IN THE TITLE??

*sigh*

He's been called "Josh Whedon", "John Swedon" that "Josh Guy Who Made Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and everything in between. I guess "Joss Wedon" isn't the worst.

11 Days until Serenity.

catching firefly

2005-09-25T19:03:00.000-05:00

I've been pleasantly surprised at the amount of publicity the Firefly movie, Serenity is getting on major networks during hit shows (THANK YOU, LOST!!!).

It's giving me hope that the film will succeed beyond anyone's (including my own fertile) imagination.

Joss Whedon can win over non-Buffy, Angel and Firefly fans. People who've never heard of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will see this movie and marvel at the incredible dialog. The man's a fucking genius and I want everyone to know it.

rabid Whedon fangurl that I am

2005-09-25T18:37:00.000-05:00

Not like it's any surprise but I'm plugging the Firefly movie Serenity.

From the film's website:

Joss Whedon- the Oscar(r)- and Emmy-nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel-now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity.

The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family - squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

When Mal takes on two new passengers-a young doctor and his unstable, telepathic sister-he gets much more than he bargained for. The pair are fugitives from the coalition dominating the universe, who will stop at nothing to reclaim the girl. The crew that was once used to skimming the outskirts of the galaxy unnoticed find themselves caught between the unstoppable military force of the Universal Alliance and the horrific, cannibalistic fury of the Reavers, savages who roam the very edge of space. Hunted by vastly different enemies, they begin to discover that the greatest danger to them may be on board Serenity herself.

Serenity is written and directed by Joss Whedon; produced by Barry Mendel; and executive-produced by Christopher Buchanan, David Lester and Alisa Tager.

gmail

2005-09-17T14:14:00.000-05:00

I have 100 gmail invitations. I don't even know 100 people. And I gave up on the give away sites long ago. So they will sit to the left of my inbox and mock me with my not-knowing-enough-people-to-be-cool-ness.

things that are not such a good idea

2005-09-13T22:28:00.000-05:00

Indulging in a craving for lemonade whilst battling a raging torrent of fire that is heartburn.

My esophagus hurts.

the internet is a cold and lonely place

2005-09-09T01:42:00.000-05:00

Why am I so bereft when my favorite sites go down? It's not like I don't have other things to do: Netflix DVD's, new library books--hell, even plain, old t.v.

And yet, I click "refresh" like a lab rat and am disappointed.

two little words

2005-08-01T13:37:00.000-05:00

They come out clear as a bell from that tiny mouth.

"Cat" in reference to the evil, hairy beast that refuses to stay out of Owen's way, and yet will nip and try to swat him when he clumsily lands on some part of the cat's body. Tough, says I. Either move--you're faster and more coordinated than my little man--or suffer his attentions.

I'm totally enforcing this.

"Baby" repeating after me whenever I call him this. Although, to be fair, he won't hold that title for very much longer. But when he says it back to me, my heart clenches.

no more political discussions with Christopher

2005-07-12T02:31:00.000-05:00

We have to agree to disagree on a lot of things. We tend to agree on the big stuff, but really, he's still holding on to the dream that this clusterfuck in Iraq is going to result in the establishment of one or more democratic states in the Middle East.

Call me short sighted but I don't think the cost/benefit ratio is in our favor.

I'm not saying the concept of democracy in the Middle East isn't a noble dream--it would be lovely if it weren't for the messy death and destruction it takes to get there. Not to mention the high ideals tend to get pushed aside by the corruption of the war profiteers. So, while I agree that Saddam Hussein was an evil, murdering despot, I don't think the power vacuum we created in Iraq is a better situation.

And lying to the American people to get us there is indefensible.

I just hope history remembers to vilify Bush enough and he doesn't get the Reagan death-bed sainthood.

nausea and exhaustion

2005-07-12T01:13:00.000-05:00

This first trimester shit is harder to take than the discomfort of the last three weeks of pregnancy.

I'm so tired during the day, I just take the baby into the back yard and let him play while I sit my ever-widening ass on the patio chair and try to watch him close enough that he doesn't swallow any rocks.

And the television fast food commercials are nauseating to me now. I can't watch a Sonic commercial without running for the loo. *sigh*

funny if it wasn't so true

2005-07-04T15:33:00.000-05:00

Get Your War On has renewed my hope for biting, brilliant, political satire.

tasty bile

2005-06-23T07:26:00.000-05:00

Someone should remind me that reading transcripts of Scott McClellan's White House press briefings are NOT the ideal way to start the morning.

The morning should start with a cup of sweet, milky tea with scones and clotted cream, served to me on the patio by Christian Bale.

pretties

2005-06-06T19:17:00.000-05:00

I'm all about the charm bracelets.

animal cruelty

2005-05-26T01:11:00.000-05:00

I think it applies. Somebody please call the ASPCA.

my name is lisa and i have a bulk buying problem

2005-05-26T01:04:00.000-05:00

I'm surrounded by the evidence of my latest trip to Sam's Club. Carton of 136 diapers, double pack of 64-count Swiffer sweeper sheets as well as a bonus pack of 18 Swiffer Wet Jet pads and two bottles of cleaning solution, a couple of cases of Diet Coke, a new, hinged lid cat littler pan, bulk fruit (blueberries and strawberries) and a jumbo box of Chip Ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

Of these, the fruit bothers me most because strawberries go bad so quickly. And even though the blueberries last a long time, I don't think the boy can eat 18 oz. before they go bad. I'm going to have to start helping him out with those by putting them in my yogurt and on top of my cereal. The strawberries, I'll slice and freeze.

The Swiffers gets used frequently due to the dogs and their tumble-weed like sheddings. The diapers are a gimme--those certainly get used (to the tune of 5-7 a day). That means it'll be nearly a month before I have to buy diapers again. They're so much cheaper in bulk.

If that's just rationalization, so what?

it's almost too easy

2005-05-25T13:10:00.000-05:00

Reworking cheesy romance novel covers.

soundtrack

2005-05-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

Ry Cooder needs to do a soundtrack for my life.

nudity

2005-05-12T21:28:00.000-05:00

Remember that scene in the Adam Sandler movie, Big Daddy, where he's giving this little boy a bath and the boy stands up and is wearing his swimsuit. Adam's character replies when the little boy asks why he's wearing a swimsuit, "Cause I don't know the rules with little kids and the whole shower thing."

OK, but what about if it's your own son?

I usually give the baby his bath because of the time and mess involved in the bathing process for a toddler. A few nights ago, Christopher volunteered. At one point, when I walked by (No, I was NOT checking up, thankyouverymuch) I noticed Christopher looked like he was going to take a bath with Owen. This seemed perfectly natural and a good idea to me.

Um, except when I walked by a few minutes later, I noticed Christopher IN HIS GODDAMN BATHING SUIT. Yes, swimming trunks. Shorts. Whatever. He didn't feel comfortable being naked in the bath with his own son!!!!

OK, Christopher, a little type-A-ish. A little uptight about certain things (he doesn't like me eating off his plate or being in the bathroom while he goes). That's fine. He was raised by a father who was an only child of an only child. I figure they were just not open about some stuff in his family. His father is distant and his mother is EXTEMELY self-conscious about body issues.

But being uncomfortable about your own nudity in front of our one year-old? What. The. Fuck? What kind of issues are we dealing with here? Christopher wasn't molested as a child. He doesn't have self-esteem problems. He goes to a gym, works out and showers. He takes a sauna with other naked men. He enjoys general (if private) nudity (his own and mine).

I'm unsure how to procede. I didn't want to press the issue then and there so I waited until this evening and asked him about it. He gave me the Adam Sandler line. He said he didn't feel comfortable and that the bathing suit was, "here to stay." Huh.

I want my child to grow up with a healthy attitude towards sex and to feel good about his own body and sexuality. How am I going to do this when his male role model won't take off his clothes in front of him????

early onset of twoberty

2005-05-09T19:27:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right, twoberty. That's an apt word to describe what's happening around here.

The wee man, having mastered stair climbing and dog feeding now feels that he's ready to assert his early independence by fit throwing and back arching.

If I shut off the television during Maisy, he slaps the darkened screen. When I have to take him out of action for two minutes to change a dirty diaper, he arches his back and cries like he's being killed.

Yeesh.

tmj

2005-05-08T16:10:00.000-05:00

TMJ can make even the easiest trip to the dentist a scene from Marthon Man.

After putting it off for a year, I finally got back to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. She found a small cavity. Rather than deal with scheduling issues and trying to find someone to watch the kid so I could come back, I said, "what the hell, let's just fill it now."

Stupid, fucking me.

My jaw, already taxed to its limits by the cleaning was then subjected to Ms. Perfectionist Young Dentist. Fucking hell, woman, just fill it! My bite has never been perfect and it won't ever be.

And yet, she kept hauling out the drill to shave a little more of amalgam off the tooth in pursuit of perfect. Meanwhile, my jaw hinge feels like it's cracking and the migraine like pain is already starting.

And I have to go back to have an really old, extensive filling replaced with a crown. Fuck.

thuggies in huggies

2005-05-07T09:24:00.000-05:00

We live in the fringe area of a really good neighborhood. The park we go to is a block or so away from the governor's mansion.

Yesterday at the park, Owen tried to steal a sippy cup from a little girl wearing $30 Hannah Anderson leggings sitting in a $300 Peg Perego stroller.

Her mother looked appalled.

sure thing, Mr. Serial Killer!

2005-05-06T19:08:00.000-05:00

There is a gas station a block and a half away from my house. I walked down there today to get gas for the mower.

In the alley an older guy in a huge, black pick-up truck stops and asks me if I'm headed to Nick's to get gas.

Um, CARRYING A GAS CAN, so YEAH.

Then he says in his nicest voice, "Hop on in, I'm headed that way!"

Yeah. It's a block away. I don't know you. I live in a city of a million people and it's 2005. Sure, Mr. Complete Stranger Who May Be a Serial Killer! I'll jump right into your big-ass pick-up truck and entrust my safety to you.

Not. Likely.

punk rock boy

2005-05-03T10:26:00.000-05:00

A friend from Cleveland has a teenage son. He's adorable in an oh-so-cute-punk-rock way.

He's in a punk band called The Radkills and they're currently competing in a battle of the bands for a spot on the Ohio leg of the Warped Tour.

The contest is sponsored by a local radio station and the winner is determined by the number of people that listen to the song.

Go listen!

blonde and the fury

2005-04-24T19:50:00.000-05:00

Upon digging this out of my mailbox last week, I was tempted to throw it away without reading it and composing a nasty letter to the editors of Time.

Instead, I consoled myself with a dose of James Wolcott. Thank you, James, for easing my ire over that bobble headed, racist, bigoted hate-mongering wet dream for the White, Conservative Male.

I understand that the bitch is about as deep as a bird bath and should, therefore, not affect me.

words I'd like to see more often

2005-04-23T13:25:00.000-05:00

Gadfly , moxie and pernicious are all good words.

want

2005-04-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

My friend, The Cross Chihuahua needs to make this for me.

when the theatre of the absurd comes knocking on the hospice door

2005-04-18T20:55:00.000-05:00

feeding tube humor

milk

2005-04-04T09:52:00.000-05:00

We switched Owen to whole milk. I'd forgotten just how rich and creamy it tastes. After years of skim milk (which is not that bad, really) my taste buds are pissed off at me.

I'll have to be content with the occasional taste of the buttery goodness of whole milk since I have other pleasures I'd like to spend those calories on.

Still, it's a lovely remembrance of childhood.

victory for pedantry

2005-04-04T09:51:00.000-05:00

The Other Paper published my letter about Jane Austen. Heh.

coffee table 1, Owen nil

2005-03-18T10:43:00.000-05:00

in case it doesn't get published

2005-03-15T14:30:00.000-05:00

In The Other Paper, the movie review referred to the film Bride and Prejudice as a "welcome rendition of Victorian literature".

To which I responded with:

Dear Editor,
Hope Madden may want to take a refresher course on either European History or English Literature.

Jane Austen lived from 1775-1817. She died two years before Queen Victoria was born. Her works, including Pride and Prejudice (published in 1813), were written during what is commonly referred to as the Regency Period in England, when King George III fell ill and his son, the Prince of Wales ruled in his stead.

Just because the people talk funny and wear fancy dresses in a book doesn't mean it's Victorian.

Sincerely,
Me

random snippet of conversation

2005-03-14T23:53:00.000-05:00

Just now, overheard at my house.

Christopher, looking up from Stuff Magazine:

It says here that if someone is too embarrassed or cheap to buy a decent vibrator, they can always buy an electric toothbrush.

Me:
EEEEWWWWWWWW.

Christopher:
Well, obviously, they'd have to buy TWO electric toothbrushes.

i can make today be a good day

2005-03-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

Today I will get things done that need to be done.

I can cope with the fact that the baby is refusing to let me get said things done.

I will not be frustrated at the things that I cannot get done.

These things, although needing to be done, rank very low on the importance of things in the universe.

Now I feel better.

band name

2005-03-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

If I started a band I would call it The Shrinking Violets.

butt floss

2005-03-02T21:25:00.000-05:00

While at my sister's last weekend, I ended up needing to do a load of laundry. No big surprise there with the baby and the limited packing I try to do for short weekend trips. We had a diaper failure and I had to wash some things.

Anyway, as I'm putting our clothes in the dryer, I feel around the bottom of the agitator because the wee baby socks tend to lodge under it and I didn't want to miss anything.

I pull out, I SWEAR TO GOD the SMALLEST pair of undies I have ever seen. A thong (which my sister tends to wear exclusively now). But not just any thong. A teeny, tiny, Victoria's Secret butt-flossy string thong with this itsy bitsy triangle of fabric in the front.

Dude, that AIN'T underwear. Underwear actually covers something.

I'm not just jealous of the fact that her tiny ass doesn't really need a lot of coverage. I've got smallish, low-rise underwear that I adore. And I appreciate the concept of the thong. I hate panty lines as much as the next person. However, if I don't want panty lines, I wear full coverage undies or I go without. I've tried a thong. I bought a lovely Body by Victoria thong a while back just to try. It was the longest day of my life. Every second tortured by the burning itch in the crack of my ass that was THE THONG.

Also, I know that my sister would need a Brazilian wax to wear this thing and my mind just doesn't want to go there.

wherefore not Kelsey?

2005-02-28T10:37:00.000-05:00

Today is the start of my official campaign to "Let Kelsey Grammer Host the Oscars".

All due respect to Chris Rock (ok, so I was too tired to stay up and watch his stuff--but I saw the highlights on television this morning), we need a VERSATILE comedian.

Kelsey sings, he dances, he's FUCKING FUNNY. Forget that cocaine problem or the car wrecks and the stripper-wife. He deserves it, dammit.

Come on Academy, give the man a chance.

a night out

2005-02-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

I needed a night out. By myself. Away from the baby. So after ordering pizza for dinner, I left Christopher with the baby, showered and went out to a movie.

I wanted to see at least one Oscar nominated film before the actual Oscars. But they all seemed so depressing. Vera Drake, Hotel Rowanda, Million Dollar Baby.

So I opted for Finding Neverland. Bad choice for a stressed out mommy.

Ah well. It has Johnny Depp with a Scottish accent. It was worth a few tears for that.

worst small town paper in the world

2005-02-21T22:55:00.000-05:00

I should stop reading my husband's hometown newspaper. But I can't help it--they put it up online and I can't stop myself from looking at the train wreck.

The writing, the headlines, the captions. It's all so remarkably bad.

For example. Read the caption on this photo. Then try to read the story.

The writer is the editor of the paper. He's like 100 years old and refuses to retire. When Christopher was going to school and working at the Gas & Sip across from the newspaper's office, Mr. Editor would walk over and buy an ice cream cone at 4 in the morning after putting the paper to bed. Then he would sit in a booth and promptly fall asleep, sitting up, holding the ice cream bar as it melted over his gnarled hand and puddled on the table top.

is there anything worse?

2005-02-21T22:33:00.000-05:00

Than being stricken with a raging case of diarrhea when you're far, far from the comfort, privacy and security of your own bathroom?

No.

Oh, wait. Yes there is.

Being stricken while you're in a large public area, sitting in a frigid, public restroom next to a large wheel of industrial grade toilet paper. How many times can you lay a covering flush without having someone call maitenance? Five.

Or is this worse?

Being stricken at the home of your sister while entertaining the new boyfriend. Having to interrupt that awkward, getting to know you chit chat with, "I'm sorry, I've got a raging case of the trots and please don't mind while I vanish for long periods of time into the bathroom."

*sigh*

My sister also, for some reason buys CHEAP toilet paper. It's the consistancy of TREE BARK. She's a lawyer for God's sake. You'd think she would spring for the Charmin.

think this covers the gray?

2005-02-17T21:19:00.000-05:00

don't call child protective services

2005-02-17T21:17:00.000-05:00

We bought this shirt for Owen.

It's so wrong it's right.

sick of this shit

2005-02-16T19:41:00.000-05:00

This shit--it's not metaphorical. It's actual shit. I do realize that some bodily waste falls under the auspices of my stay-at-home-momness but it's getting a bit ridiculous.

Between an infant with a four day case of diarrhea (called the doc, it's a virus and we're just waiting it out) and a recalcitrant cat who's taken umbrage with the location of his litter box, I've had it up to here with other creatures' shit.

I'm going to start buying corks any day.

irrational disappointment

2005-02-16T11:23:00.000-05:00

I had high hopes for this week.

Christopher took a week off to get some things done around the house and I was going to be able to do some volunteer activities and get the house really, truly clean for once. And I wanted to be able to be there when Mom had her surgery.

All we've managed to do in six days is order take out food and sleep in shifts.

I know I shouldn't be disappointed. Everyone has been sick. The baby started on Friday night and still isn't completely over the virus. I was sick all day Sunday and Christopher fell ill on Monday.

And yet...I can't help myself.

Even having Christopher around this week has seemed like MORE work. Whenever he lets me sleep in, he can't get the baby down for his morning nap and then when I wake up, I have a cranky, fussy baby to deal with. The kid was miserable this morning in sign language class because he didn't get his nap.

We're supposed to be trying to head to Indiana to visit my mom this weekend. Provided the baby is completely well. And we can get a dog sitter. And Mom gets out of the hospital on time.

I can't even plan for anything at this point because it's just leading to bitterness at the moment.

crazy killers

2005-02-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

Three high profile crimes committed here in town over the last two years were committed by mentally ill men.

Samurai Sword Murderer

The I-270 Shooter

Nightclub Shooter

In all of these instances these men were or are seriously ill. In the case of the Alrosa Villa shooting that took the life of Dimebag Darell Abbot, the shooter was killed by a police officer.

I'm sorry that people had to die. But in these cases, these men weren't getting treatment for their illness. The I-270 shooter was diagnosed, but not treated for schizophrenia. The nightclub shooter was discharged from the marines when he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. His mother not only didn't know if he was taking his meds, she bought him the fucking gun that he used to kill four people.

So the surviving defendants in two of these cases are being examined by psychiatrists and forcibly given medication in order to get them ready to stand trial. They'll be coherent in the court room. Then they'll be sentenced to die or to life in prison. And the concern shown over their "treatment" and medication will end.

I know they killed people. I understand that it's tragic and horrible for the families of the victims.

But I grieve for the sick men as well.

My brother shares their diagnosis. He's rational on meds. And he understands the concepts of right and wrong. But when he's not medicated, you can't apply the same kind of logic or rationality to him that you'd use with a normal person.

Am I saying he shouldn't be subject to the same laws? No. He needs to be reigned in like everyone else.

But if you want the jury to see what kind of person committed the crime. Let them go to trial in the same condition that they were in when they committed the crime. See them ranting and shivering. Frightened and angry. Psychotic and wild-eyed. Threatening and gesturing.

Then let the jury pass judgment on them. See how many death sentences are passed on people who really shouldn't be held responsible for the crimes they commit. Put them in a mental hospital. Forever if you want to. It's not like a vacation. These people are already imprisoned in sick, failing minds anyway.

like I need another reason

2005-02-15T23:07:00.000-05:00

Coffee wards off liver cancer.

Make mine a venti.

ode to Billy Joe

2005-02-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

I'm watching Green Day on Fuse and I'm loving Billy Joe Armstrong. He's like a rockin' gothy hobbit.

call me jaded and suspicious

2005-02-15T19:40:00.000-05:00

My husband is taking this week off to spend some time with the baby and get a few VITAL chores done around the house.

His department at work is in the middle of a huge clusterfuck of a reorg. He's supposed to be up for a management position.

So while he's out on vacation, an email goes out saying that anyone interested in applying for a management position should apply for it, officially by THIS FRIDAY.

What the fuck? I'd like to think it was a coincidence, but his department is too small and he's rubbed the VP the wrong way by refusing to make a last minute trip to Texas with literally one day's notice.

a) he'd already made a trip to Texas two weeks before in which he WOWED the local office and took care of what he was there to do

b) I was going out of town and he needed to be home to take care of Owen.

Besides--ONE DAY'S NOTICE IS BULLSHIT.

If this guy's trying to fuck him out of a position, I'll be pissed.

ironic--in that Alanis Morrisette way...

2005-02-14T12:05:00.000-05:00

Mom is having a heart bypass surgery today. Valentine's Day.

I'm hoping it's because her cardiac surgeon has a wicked sense of humor. He better because he's like an hour late with our update. I've already called my sister's cell phone so I know she'll call me as soon as she knows.

It's just that I'm nervous because some guy with god-like prowess has my mother's sternum cracked open like a walnut at the moment.

my dichotomy day

2005-02-09T20:41:00.000-05:00

This morning, I took Owen to our baby sign language class. A class full of happy, healthy, well-cared for infants.

This afternoon, we called Catholic Social Services to find a family shelter to donate all the disposable diapers that Owen has outgrown but never got to use. When I called to ask if they needed them, the lady said, "Oh, we always need them. We go through them so fast."

So we drove across town to a very dismal, run-down apartment complex where the shelter rents a unit for their office (and units for homeless families, too). We got there and I hoisted Owen on my hip and balanced the huge box of the remnants of bags of Pampers and Huggies in various sizes on the other.

As the lady was filling out my donation slip, I spotted a wall full of drawings--children's drawings. It kills me to think of children and infants homeless. But they are.

All the way home I was torn between feeling good about what I had given and being horrified that it's not enough.

my teevee president is my political woobie

2005-02-09T19:57:00.000-05:00

Karl Rove is sitting in Josh Lyman's office right at this moment.

RUN, DONATELLA, RUN!!!!!!!

they will be mine. oh, yes, they will be mine.

2005-02-08T20:48:00.000-05:00

My stainless steel kitchen has been coveting these for a good long while. Months, in fact.

And now that there is a little extra for extras, I may have to indulge.

Why the wall-to-wall stainless? Because I want a 2001 Kitchen, dammit. All clean and tidy. With a soft voice that answers me when I say, "Close the refrigerator door, Hal."

Van Lear Rose

2005-02-08T20:36:00.000-05:00

It really steams my clams to find out that the CMA Board completely dissed Loretta Lynn's Van Lear Rose.

It's raw and it's beautiful and it's probably her best work. Her voice is strong and poignant despite the fact that she's nearly 70. She's a FUCKING COUNTRY MUSIC ICON!!!

So all those Toby Keith-loving, Faith Hill-worshipping ass-kissers down on Music Row can bite me. I hope Loretty sweeps all five Grammys she's up for and give you the finger from the podium. And I can't wait to see her kiss Jack White on the lips when she does it.

poor wee man and his poor wee ass.

2005-02-08T16:07:00.000-05:00

This morning, Owen's ass was FINE. No problem. Four and a half hours later, a raging case of diaper rash hits.

And not just any diaper rash, but inflamed baboon ass diaper rash--with the screaming and the crying when the diaper comes off.

A warm soaking bath and an entire tube of Desitin seems to have helped for now. It's got to hurt.

Yikes!

he puts a smile on my face every day

2005-02-07T09:41:00.000-05:00

my DVD collection

2005-02-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

Suffice it to say that my DVD collection is like a bone yard for witty, briliant but cancelled television series.

Freaks and Geeks
Farscape
Firefly
Wonderfalls

Although at first it looked like I should stop watching new shows that start with the letter "F", Wonderfalls (oh, look, there is an "F" in there) broke that trend. I think I need to stop watching smart tv.

It's painful when you find a piece of work that is funny or witty enough to fill an hour or so of your life once a week only to watch some idiot network executive screw with your entertainment by switching around the schedule to fit in reruns of Who Wants to Survive to Marry My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss After Major Facial Reconstructive Surgery.

Anway, Wonderfalls is out on DVD. Do yourself a favor and hie thee over to Amazon.com and order a copy. You won't be sorry. It's 13 hours of your life that you won't want back.

In fact, it will probably make you want to lob bricks at the programming executive that axed the show.

oh look, the pyramids!

2005-02-07T09:10:00.000-05:00

I'm in steadfast denial.

I'm refusing at this point to become immersed in the news cycle surrounding the federal budget or the state budget. That way lies ranting. And raving. And possibly throwing things at the precious television whenever I see the smirking face of the Cheney beast-minion defending the actions of his evil ~~puppet~~ overlord and master.

Suffice it to say that the poor will get fucked with their pants on.

so much pressure

2005-02-05T23:21:00.000-05:00

I've chosen a title, a log in and here I am.

I've been recording my thoughts online with Livejournal for so long and I should have at least something to say.

I'm oddly wordless. Or nearly wordless. OK less wordy than usual. Which doesn't count for much because I could talk the ears off a dog.