my uncle is dying

I'm sad for my mom. He's a very nice guy and I am very fond of him.

My mom's family is tightly knit. This will be the first sibling they've lost since 1969 when Ernie died in Vietnam. The remaining 11 brothers and sisters are very close to each other and they are all living in the same area. Jack's the second oldest at 66. Mom's just two years younger than he is.

Jack found his colon cancer a while ago and he's been fighting it. But it was found awfully late and it spread EVERYWHERE. The worst is that it's gotten into his lungs and bones and he decided early this year to discontinue with chemo, since it wasn't going to prolong his life that much.

My twin sister went to see him yesterday and he did recognize her but he's down to about 100lbs and they've brought the hospice people in. He'd finally got an I.V. and a catheter and they're going to keep him on the morphine to keep him comfortable.

Hopefully, it will all be over in a few days. I'd hate for him to linger any longer than he has to. He was a tree trimmer most of his life so he really hated losing the ability to go outdoors. When I saw him this past summer, he insisted on walking out to the garden to pick me some of his tomatoes and cucumbers--even though it took a lot out of him to walk that far. He made sure his wife picked out a baby gift for the new baby and gave it to us at Thanksgiving--he said he knew he wasn't going to be around when she's born so he wanted to give it to me now.

i'm horrible at getting by

I have to admit it. I'm awful at budgeting. I'm shamefully short-sighted and when it comes back to bite me in the ass, I can only worry and fret and stress.

I should be better at this. I should be able to cut corners and give up luxuries--hello! digital cable, anyone? *sigh*

I should suspend the netflix account, cut the cable to the bone, cancel the magazine subscriptions and learn to spend less than $150 a week at the grocery store.

I suck.