an open letter to Britney Spears

Dearest Britney,

I'm so sorry about your troubles with the media. But listen, Honey. You didn't get filthy rich just by singing and shaking your ass. You're a celebrity. And that's a little different than just a singer. People eat that shit up. They love watching you and reading about you. You get paid a lot of money because of it.

I'm sorry if it cuts into your "me" time or that frequently, you and your husband look like stupid hicks. But if you want people to stop cutting on you--quit giving them reasons to do it.

You sound like an utter moron. And do yourself a BIG favor. Learn to give a fucking interview for fuck's sake. Try, just once to complete a sentence without the words, "like" or "you know". You're going to have to teach your child to speak English someday.