animal cruelty

I think it applies. Somebody please call the ASPCA.

my name is lisa and i have a bulk buying problem

I'm surrounded by the evidence of my latest trip to Sam's Club. Carton of 136 diapers, double pack of 64-count Swiffer sweeper sheets as well as a bonus pack of 18 Swiffer Wet Jet pads and two bottles of cleaning solution, a couple of cases of Diet Coke, a new, hinged lid cat littler pan, bulk fruit (blueberries and strawberries) and a jumbo box of Chip Ahoy chocolate chip cookies.

Of these, the fruit bothers me most because strawberries go bad so quickly. And even though the blueberries last a long time, I don't think the boy can eat 18 oz. before they go bad. I'm going to have to start helping him out with those by putting them in my yogurt and on top of my cereal. The strawberries, I'll slice and freeze.

The Swiffers gets used frequently due to the dogs and their tumble-weed like sheddings. The diapers are a gimme--those certainly get used (to the tune of 5-7 a day). That means it'll be nearly a month before I have to buy diapers again. They're so much cheaper in bulk.

If that's just rationalization, so what?

it's almost too easy

Reworking cheesy romance novel covers.

soundtrack

Ry Cooder needs to do a soundtrack for my life.

nudity

Remember that scene in the Adam Sandler movie, Big Daddy, where he's giving this little boy a bath and the boy stands up and is wearing his swimsuit. Adam's character replies when the little boy asks why he's wearing a swimsuit, "Cause I don't know the rules with little kids and the whole shower thing."

OK, but what about if it's your own son?

I usually give the baby his bath because of the time and mess involved in the bathing process for a toddler. A few nights ago, Christopher volunteered. At one point, when I walked by (No, I was NOT checking up, thankyouverymuch) I noticed Christopher looked like he was going to take a bath with Owen. This seemed perfectly natural and a good idea to me.

Um, except when I walked by a few minutes later, I noticed Christopher IN HIS GODDAMN BATHING SUIT. Yes, swimming trunks. Shorts. Whatever. He didn't feel comfortable being naked in the bath with his own son!!!!

OK, Christopher, a little type-A-ish. A little uptight about certain things (he doesn't like me eating off his plate or being in the bathroom while he goes). That's fine. He was raised by a father who was an only child of an only child. I figure they were just not open about some stuff in his family. His father is distant and his mother is EXTEMELY self-conscious about body issues.

But being uncomfortable about your own nudity in front of our one year-old? What. The. Fuck? What kind of issues are we dealing with here? Christopher wasn't molested as a child. He doesn't have self-esteem problems. He goes to a gym, works out and showers. He takes a sauna with other naked men. He enjoys general (if private) nudity (his own and mine).

I'm unsure how to procede. I didn't want to press the issue then and there so I waited until this evening and asked him about it. He gave me the Adam Sandler line. He said he didn't feel comfortable and that the bathing suit was, "here to stay." Huh.

I want my child to grow up with a healthy attitude towards sex and to feel good about his own body and sexuality. How am I going to do this when his male role model won't take off his clothes in front of him????

early onset of twoberty

Yes, that's right, twoberty. That's an apt word to describe what's happening around here.

The wee man, having mastered stair climbing and dog feeding now feels that he's ready to assert his early independence by fit throwing and back arching.

If I shut off the television during Maisy, he slaps the darkened screen. When I have to take him out of action for two minutes to change a dirty diaper, he arches his back and cries like he's being killed.

Yeesh.

tmj

TMJ can make even the easiest trip to the dentist a scene from Marthon Man.

After putting it off for a year, I finally got back to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. She found a small cavity. Rather than deal with scheduling issues and trying to find someone to watch the kid so I could come back, I said, "what the hell, let's just fill it now."

Stupid, fucking me.

My jaw, already taxed to its limits by the cleaning was then subjected to Ms. Perfectionist Young Dentist. Fucking hell, woman, just fill it! My bite has never been perfect and it won't ever be.

And yet, she kept hauling out the drill to shave a little more of amalgam off the tooth in pursuit of perfect. Meanwhile, my jaw hinge feels like it's cracking and the migraine like pain is already starting.

And I have to go back to have an really old, extensive filling replaced with a crown. Fuck.

thuggies in huggies

We live in the fringe area of a really good neighborhood. The park we go to is a block or so away from the governor's mansion.

Yesterday at the park, Owen tried to steal a sippy cup from a little girl wearing $30 Hannah Anderson leggings sitting in a $300 Peg Perego stroller.

Her mother looked appalled.

sure thing, Mr. Serial Killer!

There is a gas station a block and a half away from my house. I walked down there today to get gas for the mower.

In the alley an older guy in a huge, black pick-up truck stops and asks me if I'm headed to Nick's to get gas.

Um, CARRYING A GAS CAN, so YEAH.

Then he says in his nicest voice, "Hop on in, I'm headed that way!"

Yeah. It's a block away. I don't know you. I live in a city of a million people and it's 2005. Sure, Mr. Complete Stranger Who May Be a Serial Killer! I'll jump right into your big-ass pick-up truck and entrust my safety to you.

Not. Likely.

punk rock boy

A friend from Cleveland has a teenage son. He's adorable in an oh-so-cute-punk-rock way.

He's in a punk band called The Radkills and they're currently competing in a battle of the bands for a spot on the Ohio leg of the Warped Tour.

The contest is sponsored by a local radio station and the winner is determined by the number of people that listen to the song.

Go listen!